^Another ‘Soppy‘ illustration. Man, I love that book ❤️
As you may already know, we are a house plagued by kooky sleepers. David laughs, has conversations, and sees people in his sleep. Colbie snores so loudly she has to be moved to another room. Charlie sits and stares at us unblinkingly deep into the night, and Cora… well, she gets pretty bad wind. (Some things never change.)
Personally, I am a sound sleeper. Aside from being woken fairly regularly by the others – meaning those mentioned above, not the people I’ve been convinced live in the attic ever since we watched Housebound – I am dead to the world from the moment my head hits the pillow to the moment my third or fourth snoozed alarm makes David begin to stir.
At least, this was the case until recently. Observe.
Case #1. I am dreaming about failing at swimming. The following occurs:
D: Wake up! *shakes me* Charlotte WAKE UP!!
Me: *Wakes up spluttering, coughing and flailing*
D: Are you alright?
Me: I WAS DROWNING! *cough cough, splutter* ACTUALLY DROWNING!!!
Case #2. I experience the following night terror – which is different to a nightmare, FYI, because you spend the whole time convinced you are awake:
I was woken by a sound downstairs. Someone was opening and closing kitchen cupboards very loudly. ‘My brother must be getting a snack,’ I thought angrily, before ‘wait, I don’t live with my brother.’ The sounds in the kitchen stopped, and someone began walking up the stairs. I clung onto David and stayed very still. An enormous shadow in the shape of a person entered our bedroom, climbed onto the bed and stood looking over me, not moving. I screamed and tried to get away but I was paralysed, and the thing just stood there as David slept soundly. And then I woke up FOR REAL. And said the following to David after waking him up: “I was screaming and you didn’t save me. Why didn’t you save me?”
It would appear sleep disturbances are contagious. Save yourselves.
Some instances of David sleeptalking, which is where this craziness all began, because they’re always fun to look back on:
#1. An accusation
D: Get out of my tub
Me: What tub?
D: My waste tub
Me: Why would I be in your waste tub?
D: *shaking his head* greedy.
#2. An equation
Me: Three what baby?
D: Should make three shouldn’t it? One and two?
#3. A visitor
Me: What are you looking at?
D: *whispering* There’s someone on the chair
Me: No there isn’t
D: OK *lies down, settles back in for the night without another word*
#3a. Another visitor
D: There was a woman in here last night, do you remember? A girl, actually. Standing by the bed. I kicked her
#4 A disturbance
D: *leaning back with a look of horror*
Me: What’s wrong?
D: It’s going to fall
Me: What is?
D: Up there
Me: Nothing’s falling
D: OK *lies down, settles back in for the night without another word* (are you seeing a pattern here?)
#5 A sympathetic ear
Me: *speaking to myself* I can’t sleep
D: *in his sleep* I can. Goodnight.
Don’t ever come for a sleepover, is what I’m trying to tell you. There’s no telling what could happen.
Related: More sleeptalking fun times here and here.
Hopeful tips for better sleeping: Take a very hot bath. Light a lavender candle (we currently have this one going from Bous, it has a quirky wooden wick that makes it crackle, and it smells divine.) Wash your face. Apply lavender temple balm (I use this one.) Plump your pillows. Wear your favourite pyjamas. Have your concealer ready in case none of this works, eye bags are a dead giveaway when you’re pretending to feel fresh… 😴